We had a week off on holidays. It was hugely restorative.
After our natural FET was cancelled, our doctor planned a medicated FET. The idea was to shut down the system with Lupron and then take Progynova to grow a lining, during the time that we were away on holidays. This earlier preparation would put us just in time for a transfer within this month, while leaving some space for a transfer next month, if the lining didn’t grow for some reason.
Well, all that is shot to pieces. During the holiday, we visited a clinic (surprise, no surprise) just in case for the future, where the doctor did a preliminary uterine assessment. When she flashed the wand inside, my heart sank. The lining, on Day 6, was 12.44mm trilaminar. I had been hoping for something like 7mm trilaminar. Despite having taken the Lupron, there was an 11.3mm follicle on the left side.
It was too thick, I knew. I also knew from my previous experience with Progynova, that my lining tends to thicken quite quickly. In May, we had done a HRT FET cycle with BCP to schedule the cycle, then 3.75mg Lucrin before the cycle ended (which was the variation this time) and then on the 9th day of HRT, the lining was 12.3mm and trilaminar.
When we returned from our trip, sure enough, the lining was >13mm and the hormone levels were in line. It also wasn’t just that the lining was thick but that it was no longer trilaminar, it was homogenous and dense, with a thick whiteness that the doctor did not like and which might be endometriosis. The follicle was still the same size and had not grown.
Just great. So what do we do now? Well, he advised us that while we could push ahead to transfer, he wasn’t optimistic on the chances. The reasons that he thought might be at fault, were that the shutdown was done too late, such that the lining had some time to develop and the runaway follicle was already ‘out the gate’, as it were. It was also done without birth control pills, which would also have helped to hold the endometriosis in check. Also, I might not be as susceptible to Progynova as before, when we had a lovely cycle in May.
As you know, it is not just that there is a problem with this cycle. When your cycles do not behave as expected, it can often be a systemic or large problem. The doctor said that the lining does not thin out after the next cycle bleed, then I might need to do a hysterocopy to check for and clear out polyps. I shudder just thinking about that and how unnecessary this is.
Pushing back the cycle date for FET, also means that our plan for possible donor transfers has also been pushed back and if we want to maintain our place and donor with the clinic, we might have to do a freeze-all and FET cycle there also, instead of a fresh cycle.
Also, I started to have some secretion of clear and blood discharge from the left breast, which is a side-effect of the Progynova but which freaked me out completely. About a month ago, I started to feel pains in the chest area and a hard lump that seemed to soften as the cycle progressed. Now, however, it is an even larger, harder lump that covers a third of the left breast area and is visible as a large bump in the skin. So I have to go for a breast examination and ultrasound.
I’m terrified as the symptoms are also common to those in breast cancer. While it is a listed side effect of Progynova, many have used this often with no such side effects. Given the scary symptoms, I’m not sure how good the news really can be. I’m sitting around, jumping at and waiting for the call and result, driving myself crazy with all the what-ifs, the negative ones. Pray for me that it is clean, a side effect of the medication and nothing to worry about.
All in all, it left me disappointed, upset and sad, which is what this process tends to be doing to me. Upset that I took all the medication for what amounts to a natural cycle and sad that we are in the wasteland of fertility issues again. Sad that it is so hard. Sad that another year will go by soon. Sad that even the easiest steps of transfer, or those of pregnancy, might be beyond us and impossible.
I’m trying to just push on with the medications that I need to do to clear this cycle and lining and work toward the next as well as I can. I’m trying to tell myself that negativity does nothing to help and that I need to focus on living life, getting work done and moving forward. Harder said than done. I’m so tired of no progress and having to keep my spirits up.
