I am not talking about "bring out the popcorn" drama. I am talking about the new donor dilemma that has just bubbled up for us.
Our original donor seemed perfect, a young Asian girl in her early 20s, we had her profile, we had her childhood photograph, we had a set of reference letters from friends and families, whose details we could verify and so we proceeded. Then the clinic informed us that she could no longer donate, supposedly due to a personal problem with the current donor. At the same time, the clinic informed us that they had two new Asian women who were willing to donate.
Our original donor was going to return. After talking with some friends, it seems that this is a common thing, that donors decide not to donate for their own reasons. Some donors however, drop out because of the medications and that's understandable, and it shows they are doing it for the right reasons.
Still, our clinic is now pushing this second donor hard, ranking her above our original donor, who is just a few months away. It seems that her slightly lower cost and her very high fertility means the clinic can be more confident about her outcome. There is something different for the clinic between those two donor options, one was more certain, one more risky. As my fertility doctor always says, sometimes, it is just a waiting game.
I want you to be some more than that. I don't want you to be one of many, many, many donors whose egg is drawn upon. I don't want you to be another anonymous drop in the IVF ocean, I want you to be the right one for me. I want you to be a special woman, who we decided on and who chose us, as we decided that we wanted you.
I don't really know what else to say. For us, we're going to go back to Thailand. We're going to proceed with a fresh donor cycle, waiver in hand, attempt to meet and reconcile with our donor's obstetrician in Thailand and do a transfer in March if possible. Our new donor is an Asian girl of heritage, a bit shorter than me, and, she has just graduated college and decided to donate at her own initiative. She certainly does not need the money, she has family money.
It just dissolves something in me when I have to grapple with issues that I did not want to grapple with.
