I've struggled a little with this post and sat on it for a long time. I am not sure this is something I am ready to talk openly about just yet but it is something we have given extensive and honest thought. At this point, we have three frozen 3-day and 6-day embryos in Singapore.
We have used up our Medisave (government co-insurance) amounts in Singapore, which were valid for three fresh cycles. The government co-payment is not available to us unless we cycle in a public hospital in Singapore, which does not allow for our needs with regard to effective protocol.
So in between trying normally, our plan is to research and try IVF, possibly combined with donor egg IVF in Thailand and in the US. With regard to location, we don't have much choice, donor IVF technology is incredibly restricted and limited in Asia, while Asian donors are incredibly rare anywhere else.
The rejoinder questions to this tend to be, is this something you would really consider and would you try first with your own eggs before the donors? The answer to the first question is yes, for the following reasons:
1. The embryos we have frozen in Singapore may not work. They were the poorer quality embryos of the batch, where the best quality embryos failed on a Day 3 transfer. During IVF, everyone keeps telling you that nothing is impossible. However, over time I would prefer not to make decisions from a place of optimism, but from a place of realism.
2. From the diagnostic instead of enabling point of view of IVF, we are no longer getting better results with each round. That means that sensibly, there is no longer much point putting myself through successive rounds without finding a plan to progress.
3. Even if the embryos in Singapore take, they are definitely not enough for more than one child. I also do not want to go through all this heartache, for an early miscarriage, which is also a likely outcome, if those embryos are poorer quality or have chromosomal abnormalities. Given that the 6-day blastocyst came from a 4-cell Day 3 embryo and we had a 5-day blastocyst on a previous cycle without a fetal pole, it's a fair assumption that we may be in a high risk category.
4. Since there is no longer a cost benefit to us of cycling in Singapore, the following cycles must give us more eggs and embryos, and thus a better chance at that elusive golden egg. A combined own and donor IVF cycle will enable us to have the most number of eggs and embryos, both our own and via a donor.
5. An overseas cycle will allow us to do PGD testing, without the test, we don't understand the reason for our high attrition and poor quality of embryos. We have thus far assumed that it is egg quality, but it could be other related or even larger issues.
6. Some facilities have beneficial packages, such as IVF guarantees or combined donor cycles, where the fee is only paid after recurrent attempts or where you are only charged once for the ICSI and IVF lab processes, instead of a subsequent full and additional donor cycle. After walking this path for so long, I would like the emotional reassurance of this.
The answer to the second question is, I really don't know. The honest truth is we will probably never know as the transfers may be intermingled and we don't intend to ever find out.
We will cross that bridge when we come to it.
The hubs is a big fan of surprises, for example, he never even wants to know or choose a gender. I obviously, am not a fan of surprises but similarly, I think the only way you would ever really think about it, is if it resulted in twins. He says that the only thing that would really cheese me off, is if the donor twin was smarter (it's true, I already assume the donor twin would be prettier, so prettier and smarter just doesn't sound fair).
Unsurprisingly, the next few posts will probably follow us in our research, debating the costs, processes, findings and emotional highlights (oh, joy) of our furious Googling of a lot of obscure questions I never thought I would ever be looking up. I know I am not alone, as the bulk of questions and responses have come from the topic of donor egg IVF. If you know of good clinics and programs that we should consider, please drop us a line. We would be very grateful for experience or advice.
* An update on the situation in Bangkok - earlier this year, a media firestorm broke out over a case in which an Australian couple abandoned their Down's syndrome baby with his Thai surrogate mother and left the country taking only the normal twin (the case has many irregularities that surround the surrogate and system, as much as the parents).
The international attention prompted a crackdown by authorities on Thailand's largely unregulated surrogacy business. Although only commercial surrogacy has been suspended and banned with immediate effect, two clinics, ALL-IVF and New Life IVF (formerly New Life Donor Egg Agency) have been shut down for operating without a specific IVF medical license from the Thai medical council.
As a corollary to commercial surrogacy, clarifications regarding donor eggs are also pending and donor egg banks have been temporarily suspended, with the clinics referring new cases out to donor egg agencies. Donor agencies are however uncontactable, as are previous patients and donors themselves.
